Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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