Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
The Olympian is in my bed
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
