You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize