Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
