oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
