Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Randomize
