I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
