Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
