Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
