Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
