Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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