They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
