Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
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it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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