I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
