Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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