did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Someone came in the potted fern
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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