Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
