my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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