I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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