Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize