Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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