I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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