I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
