I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
