he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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