cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
