who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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