This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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