so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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