that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
