My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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