i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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