tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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