i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
