Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
