i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
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We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
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Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over