I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?