Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
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There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
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You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny