He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn