While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.