he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize