I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Randomize
