I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
