I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
