I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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