1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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