He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
