Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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