I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
