How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
