I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
