You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Randomize
