watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
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I drank myself into bisexuality again.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
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jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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