After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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