So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
