oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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