im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
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you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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