Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
