I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
