So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
