So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
