She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I licked your asshole in confidence.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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