her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
