hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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