I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
