Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Randomize
