some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
