I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
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my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
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He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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